Is My Desire for Marriage from God?
You could say I’m a bit of an Old Testament junkie. Genesis is one of my favorite books of the Bible. I also love the prophetic books of Jeremiah, Jonah and Isaiah.
I’ve heard people complain about how God seems so distant and angry in the Old Testament. And while there is a lot of destruction and straight up wild stories, what stands out to me isn’t distance and hardness, but the heart of a loving Father. One Who deeply cares about His children and calls them back to Himself because he desires relationship with them and knows how damaging the effects of sin are.
There is a beautiful story found in the book of 1 Samuel. It’s the story of Hannah.
Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim Zophim, of the mountains of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. This man went up from his city yearly to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh. Also the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the Lord, were there. And whenever the time came for Elkanah to make an offering, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb.
So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”
So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the Lord. And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.” And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!” But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.” Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.” And she said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her.
So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:1-20
So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.”
Hannah was a barren woman who desperately desired a child. But notice how she wasn’t just thinking of herself in her request, but how she could glorify God if it was granted to her. And that’s not to say that God doesn’t care about our own personal happiness and joy in receiving love from another person, He very much does, but when we’re thinking of how we can bless others and serve others through it, we’ve hit the sweet spot of agreement. And that’s where we always want to live, and this is the way we should always approach God with our desires.
Psalm 37:4 (Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart) is often critiqued for being taken out of context, citing that because the verse isn’t talking about marriage specifically, it shouldn’t be applied to that desire. I may not be a Bible scholar, but I’ve read my Bible. And while I’m well aware that earthly marriage is not our greatest purpose or reward, I do believe that we can pray with the assurance that God gave us this desire and wants us to pursue it with Him.
We can pray with the assurance that God gave us this desire and wants us to pursue it with Him.
Let’s talk about 3 ways you can know that your desire for marriage is from God and how to pursue it with Him.
1. It aligns with His heart.
Remember the heroes of our faith like Hannah. Her desire for a son wasn’t about all what she could get, but what she could give in return. And this is what God’s heart looks like. God is a giver and when we use our desires to give back we are reflecting who He is.
2. It’s driven by faith, not fear.
Faith pleases God. Fear hinders our faith by creating doubt and confusion. Faith calls you to press in. Fear calls you to quit or settle. Sometimes it’s a daily decision to re-align ourselves with faith. Don’t let the enemy corrupt your desires and lead you into relationship or discourage you from one out of hurry, fear or comparison. Trust in the Lord, don’t lean on your own understanding! (Prov. 3:5-6).
3. It increases your love for God and dependence upon Him.
Our desires should always keep us seeking God’s heart. Which means our love for Him should be growing as we keep giving it to Him. I love how God wants to be involved in every aspect of our life. It’s also important to acknowledge that our relationship with God should never depend on what He can give us, but in how we will use what He gives us for His glory.
God wants us to bring our desires to Him so that He can lead us and show us more of Who He is. He doesn’t make our decisions for us, but He wants to give us the wisdom to choose well. This is how we partner with God in pursuing our desires: We give Him permission to lead us and direct our steps. We ask for wisdom when choosing who to invest our time and energy into when it comes to relationships.
I love this quote from Stormie Omartian’s book, Praying God’s Will for Your Life:
“Things wouldn’t happen in my life unless I prayed. And I was no longer just asking for things; I was partnering with God. I was aligning my spirit with His, and together we would see that His perfect will would be done.”
I invite you to pray the following prayer over yourself as well as download this printable reflection you can add to your secret place time:
“God, I give you permission to speak into my life. I trust You with my longing to be married and ask that You would help me become the kind of woman a godly man is praying for. I trust that Your timing and Your way is better than mine. Help me to be patient. Help me to love you with my whole heart.”
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